Back View
Elder Jeff Lu
As I was cleaning out the old books in my bookshelf over the holidays, I accidentally picked up a book, a collection of Zhu Ziqing's essays. Flipping through its pages, I reread the article titled "Back View." In his direct and concise writing style, the author recalls the unforgettable back view of his father after saying goodbye to him at the train station. I couldn't help but remember the time when I was a young boy being carried on my father’s back as he walked around the house while humming children's songs. I laid on his strong and straight back, feeling warm and secure, and fell asleep.
My father is old now. A few years ago, he had a bad fall and broke his femur. After recovering from the surgery, he was able to walk around the home with the aid of a cane for a while. But his legs became progressively weaker, and soon it became more and more difficult for him to move around despite the best efforts of his doctor. He can hardly move even while pushing a walker, and he loses his balance easily. He needs someone next to him ready to help him when needed. As I tried to assist him in moving forward in staggering steps, I saw his stooped and thin back and felt sad. I earnestly prayed for his peace.
I thank God for the opportunity to take care of my father in his twilight years, for being able to give him timely support when he is weak, and for being able to talk with him and to comfort him when he is sad.
I also thank God for making me aware of my own weaknesses. I know it is not always easy to turn love into action. The concept of “loving others” is not hard to understand or to turn into action occasionally, but it is a high challenge to make it a way of life. I believe the old Chinese saying "chronic illness leads to no filial son" is not a lament about the fragility of family ties, nor is it a condemnation of all sons and daughters, but a sobering reminder to us that our love is not long-lasting.
I thank God that, in the process of training to love others, He has walked with me and guided me every step of the way.
Yes, when we feel tired and no longer able to love anymore, may the Holy Spirit lead us to the presence of God. Only by fully trusting Him as the foundation and source of our love can our love be endless and never-ending.
“and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love” (Ephesians 3:17 NRSVUE).
Translation by Bob Tang