Around 2010, my heart longed to study theology, but I didn’t have the call for full-time ministry. A pastor cleared my confusion by affirming that seminary in itself is a calling. With that, I started my journey at Fuller Theological Seminary. In seminary, I discovered my gift in teaching, and several professors also suggested that I consider doctoral study. However, I was not able to find a research topic that appealed to me. Thus, doubts abounded in what seemed to be a clear direction.

After graduation, I served at ECC for two years, and then in two different ministries. I had the opportunity to bring brothers and sisters to Israel, letting them see how real the Bible is and arousing their enthusiasm for God's words; God also took me to Hong Kong to teach some theology courses, blessing the place where I was born and raised. I thought this was God's clear guidance to me, so I decided to pursue the Doctor of Ministry program to further equip myself for teaching and serving.

In the second year of my DMin program, God closed the door to the ministry I was serving at. Afterward, God took me back to ECC as an interim minister. These few years were full of confusion, but God called me time and time again to shepherd His flock. Around the time I graduated from my DMin program this year, God also affirmed through the church congregation my call to shepherd at ECC.

Today, I am still going through cycles of doubt and certainty. I find certainty in doubt, but feel doubtful in certainty. Perhaps this is the necessary growth process in a spiritual life. Doubt appears when I face my brokenness and try to find myself, God, and my direction within my broken self. And certainty happens when God tears down my broken self to build me up to be more like Christ, giving me faith to follow and walk with him.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.”- 2 Cor 3:17-18