I’ve come to realize the hard truth that much of my disappointments, my stress, my unhappiness, my malcontent is due to my expectations not being met. Sometimes these expectations are the goals we have set for ourselves. Sometimes they are the internal expectations of our preferences, our passions, our behavior, and our (re)actions. We set these unconscious expectations for ourselves, which inadvertently become the expectations we place on others. In our line of internal logic, it becomes how we expect others to behave and how they treat us.

Unfortunately, these expectations are rarely met to our satisfaction. We become disappointed in ourselves and quite frequently, we are disappointed in others. As we get older, our mismatched expectations worsen as our way of thinking becomes more ingrained. So, we are left with a few choices to rectify this mismatch:

1. Put in more effort to have our expectations and goals met in our lives. That includes “educating” all those around us about our opinions and expectations. Yeah, good luck with that.

2. Lower our expectations so that they are always consistently met. Unfortunately, the race to the bottom with this strategy can be pretty steep and unsatisfying. I think I would end up in a fetal position all day long with the curtains perpetually shut in my room.

3. Change my expectations. This whole time, I realize that my expectations are just that – they are “mine.” It’s very “me” centered. I need to (re)focus more on God’s expectations rather than my own expectations. I need to know what God expects of me, rather than my own failed moral compass. I need to seek after God’s plans for my life rather than pursue my own plans. And I need to know that people (who are fickle and inconsistent, just like me) will never be able to satisfy my inner longings, but God and God alone can satisfy.

When I am able to shift my expectations to rely on God, trust in God, and to be shaped by God, I can then finally say, “it is well, it is well, with my soul.”